How To Connect With LDS Singles Online

Getting to know other LDS singles online can be just as daunting as trying to meet some one in real life.  Many of us aren’t sure where to begin in our efforts to get a response from someone that we are interested in.  I have a few suggestions about what people will and won’t respond to as result of my recent experiences using the various online dating sites  that I’ve reviewed.

Say Something Substantive!
Go beyond standard ‘pick-up’ lines and do more than send a flirt, quick note, smile, spark, etc…Put some effort into crafting your own note.  It doesn’t have to be lengthy, but it has to say more than, “Hi, I’m John/Jane.  I liked your profile (or I think you’re cute).  Tell me more.”  My profiles have pictures of me with  my kids.  The email that I receive the most is: “Cute family! Tell me more.”  I appreciate that my kids are beautiful, but such a statement doesn’t make you stand out any more than my first example.  Emails like that are quickly deleted and not given a another thought.  An important thing to remember here is be yourself; don’t try to be something that you are not

Speak Directly to the Person
Some people will craft a single email letter, and send it to numerous people. I don’t know about you, but I’m generally unimpressed by the lack of effort on the part of an individual when I receive an obvious form letter.  Such lack of effort is rewarded by a lack of response on my part. I mean really, is that all the effort that you want someone to put into getting to know you?  Then, put some effort in getting to know someone.  It’s not really a numbers game (write 10, hear back from 1).  It is more a function of the effort you put forth. Speak directly to what s/he said in her/his ad.  As you are reading the ad, make notes and then directly compliment the things you thought interesting, funny or entertaining.  Some of the online dating sites have a “comment on my profile” box on each page you view; you could just type something that strikes you as you are reading that section.  One caveat: the titles to those are generally generic and may not get read the way a unique title will.  If s/he has a list of “qualifications” in the profile, let her/him know why you feel you meet all those ‘qualifications.’

Titillate a little
Everyone likes to be in the know and we all appreciate it when someone tells us something that may not be common knowledge.  When writing to someone considering sharing more personal information about yourself than is contained in your online profile.  Perhaps you have a unique talent that you didn’t put in your profile and something in his/her profile reminded you of that.  Tell them.

Essential Items
I know this probably sounds like a broken record, but if you want your emails, etc… to have a greater chance of receiving a response, be sure that your profile includes a photo.  It is probably wise to have your profile filled out with more than just, “I’ll fill this in later.”  Just saying.

Be Patient and Be Persistent
Don’t be too upset or anxious if you don’t receive an answer right away.  It could take a little while for someone to get back to you.  We all lead busy lives! You never know but what the person you wrote is out of town, his/her server went down, the computer crashed, the email account for this service is a secondary account and he/she doesn’t check it everyday or they are buried by kids and work.  Give it at least a week after you write to hear back. If, by then, you haven’t heard anything and are still really interested, then write back.  In your second email, briefly mention you’d written before, and highlight the fact that you are really interested.  If a second email doesn’t receive a response, you’re on your own as to whether it is wise to continue to write.  You could find yourself blocked if you come across as a stalker.

Be Positive
Someone shared this example with me, it was an email that she received: ”Hi, my name is Bob. Write back if you’re not a liar or a thief”.   That’s a pretty negative approach and not likely to garner a response.  I read somewhere that ”a pessimist is a person who is seasick during the entire voyage of life.” An initial contact like that would tend to show an attitude of pessimism and negativity.   You may have written hundreds of emails and gotten little response, but remember that you haven’t really written a hundred emails, you have written one email a hundred times.  Does that make sense?  What I mean is that you write to one person at a time and you may have done that one hundred times.  Each person is different and what you say to them is in essence a form of first impression, make it a positive impression.

Be Polite
Along the same lines of making your communications positive, be courteous and polite regardless of the outcome of any correspondence.  Consider including a  closing statement which conveys best wishes for happiness whether the other person chooses to respond to your email or not.  Doing so will say a lot about you.  And, you never know, it may be the one nice thing s/he has heard all day, and be just the thing to trigger a reply!  The idea after all is to have another LDS single reply to your email.

There are wonderful, kind, caring and loving LDS singles out there, and one of them is waiting just for you!  Put some effort into your correspondence, write to the person, be positive, be polite, be patient and be persistent; you will be rewarded. 

Remember: We’re LDS!  We’re Single!  And, we’re all in this together!