Are We Compatible For Marriage? A Great Way To Find Out!

LDS Singles are (or should be) some of the most optimistic people I know.  It is perhaps because of all people we are striving to follow Nephi’s admonition to “press forward with… a perfect brightness of hope.”  This enthusiastic optimism easily translates into some of our dating habits.  So much so that after a number of dates with someone we really like, we begin to wonder if it might be going somewhere.  We start to wonder about our love interest’s childhood, family, job etc.  At some point one of two things is going to happen: either the relationship is going to end or it will have progressed to the point that you will begin to wonder “Are we compatible for Marriage?”  At that point, it is time to ask really tough questions.  Questions like “is there a secret you are withholding from family and friends” or “how much debt do you have”?  It seems that there is no easy way to bring up these questions or an opportune time to give the answers.

I recently obtained a copy of and reviewed “300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage” by Shannon L. Alred.  After I wrote the review I began to see that LDS Singles shouldn’t wait until the engagement to begin asking these questions.  Using this book throughout the your dating/courting will help you determine compatibility sooner and continuously assess the realionship’s potential;  while simultaneously strengthening the relationship that will endure.  Plus, with careful planning using “300 Questions” will make asking those difficult questions easier to ask down the line.

One way to make the most of these questions throughout dating and courtship would be to take 3 or so questions from the book and email them to your love interest regularly.  Start off by asking easy questions: “What do you read? Is it uplifting” and “How would you describe yourself”?  That way you could each read over them and discuss the answers the next time you get together.  (If you are in a long distance relationship, emailing the questions and discussing them over the phone could be very valuable.)  As your relationship progresses, you can slowly start to ask the questions that you simply cannot and should not avoid if you are going to commit to an eternal marriage with someone.  Those would be the questions focusing on addiction, abuse, child rearing, finances and marital intimacy.  And, because these questions are coming from a book, you don’t feel like “you” are asking them.

While there are a lot of questions in this book that are crucial for couples in the fiancé stage of their relationship, the majority of the questions are useful for people who are seriously dating (or perhaps already married).  If you value your relationship and are wondering if you are compatible for marriage, I admonish you to begin asking the “300 Questions LDS Couples Must Ask Before They Marry”

Remember: We’re LDS!  We’re Single!  And,we’re all in this together!

LDS Dating Tips: How to Survive a break up!

It has happened to every LDS Single at one point or another while dating; the break up.  It is one of those experiences in life for which we may be prepared physically, mentally, and even spiritually; but for which we are not fully prepared emotionally.  Here are some quick tips on how to survive a break up and draw closer to the Savior.

“Engage in Meaningful Prayer”
 Take the time at least twice daily to seek guidance from Heavenly Father. Listen for answers.  Openly and honestly express how you are feeling to your Heavenly Father. Be willing to let go and cry (yes, even if you are a guy!)  Learn through prayer how you can grow from this experience. Seek comfort and strength.
 
“Immerse yourself in the scriptures”
 Make time daily to spend in the scriptures.  Learn from the stories of the prophets.  Review carefully the Savior’s life and teachings.  Let the witness of ancient and modern prophets bring you to feel the assurance of the Savior’s love and concern for you.

“Worship in the temple”
 If you are temple recommend worthy and reasonably near a temple; go.  If you are not a current recommend holder; become one (repent if you need to.) The blessings of the temple are supernal, comforting and strengthening.

“Lose yourself in the service of others”
 You can accomplish this through your current calling, through temple attendance, or signing up for a welfare assignment. Consult with your Relief Society President or Elder’s Quorum President about people in the ward that you might help.  (Shameless plug: look to the needs of the people you home or visit teach)  Take the time to volunteer at a soup kitchen or to visit someone in your neighborhood who can’t get out.  There are many opportunities to serve.  Perhaps make serving others the focus of your prayers.

“Express Yourself”
 Recognize that you have suffered a loss and that you’ll be going through the stages of grief. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and resolution. You may go back and forth between stages and even experience more than one phase at a time.  Talk to someone that you trust (a friend, a family member, a counselor or, a priesthood leader) and share with them what you are going through.  Start or continue journaling and use those pages to let go a little of what you are feeling.

“Press Forward”
 Do the basics, even if you don’t feel you have energy. Take the time to eat right and keep yourself neat, clean and well-groomed. Make the effort to keep your living area clean and tidy.

“Forget those things which are behind” (Phil 3:13)
 The best way to handle a break up is to cut off all contact with the other person.  So resist the urges to call, to go over, to text, to email, etc.  This may not be possible in all cases, but as much as you can, reduce the amount of time you associate with your ex.

“Don’t run faster than you have strength”
 Avoid rushing into another relationship too soon.  Conversely, don’t give up on yourself or the possibility of finding someone right for you. Trust the Holy Ghost to let you know by a spirit of peace when you are ready to begin again – and to trust again.

Suffering through a break up is difficult for either party.  Remembering to do these things will increase your ability to make it through.  You will also be able to learn and grow from the experience and draw closer to the Savior.

Remember: We’re LDS!  We’re Single!  And, we’re all in this together!

6 Sure Signs that a Guy Likes You

I’ve been asked this question more times than I can count. I’ve seen it asked on countless forums and in the chat rooms on dating sites.  You may have even asked it yourself: “How can you tell if a guy likes you?”

So here it is my dear Sisters, sure signs that a guy likes you.  (The depth of interest will be reflected in the number of these that he is consistently doing.)

Body Language
Even the most confident of guys will have tell tale signs in the way that he holds himself when he’s near a lady who lights his fire; his breathing, his smile, what he does with his hands (does he touch you on the arm?), if you sit down together and are a little “close” does he stay there?  You get the idea.  Sometimes to the people who know him best, like his close friends and family, it may be obvious how a guy feels about a particular girl before he is willing to admit it, even to himself.

 Eye Contact
Do you catch him looking at you when he didn’t think you’d be looking?  Is he constantly positioned in a room so that he can see you?  When you talk to him, does he meet your gaze?  Along with the eye contact there will be a smile.  It may be a nervous smile if he is caught looking at you, but when a guy makes eye contact and smiles; he is into you.

 His Manners
When he’s around you, does he mind his manners?  Does he come to the front porch to get you?  Is he opening doors, car and otherwise?  Does he hold your coat for you?  Does he seat you in a restaurant? You get the drift.  And FYI, contrary to what some might say, when a guy opens doors, helps with the coat, etc…, he doesn’t do it because he thinks you are a damsel in distress; he does it because he respects you and sees you differently than he views other women.

 Attentiveness
When you are talking is his concentration centered on you? Does he remember the little things that you tell him?  Does he remember: the big presentation at work; a friend’s party, your favorite music, the mid-term coming up, or a child’s sporting event?  If a guy likes you, he pays attention to the details of you and your life. He will reciprocate by providing you information about him that he might not share with everyone else.

Additionally, does he regularly do things to get your attention or to let you know that he is thinking about you?  Random, but regular, text messages and phone calls, flowers, tickets to your favorite show, chocolate (I know it all seems somehow cliché) are all signs that a guy likes you.  If he posts pictures of the two of you together on his Facebook or My Space page, he’s probably into you.  (Also if his status changes to involved or in a relationship…also a good sign.)

 His Friends and Family
How his friends or family treat the guy when you are around is a great indicator of whether or not a guy likes you.  If he likes you, he’s told the people closest to him (or they’ve figured it out by his the way he acts around you; see above.)  Friends and family enjoy playful banter (teasing each other about such things.  Remember when you were in high school and how your siblings acted when you brought your guy home?)  Another huge indicator that a guy is into: he will invite you to spend time with his friends and family.  If you’ve been brought home to meet mom, if you’ve met his closest friends, if you know who he’d call when he’s had a rough day – you’re in!

 Teasing
In many ways men are just little boys with bigger toys. We haven’t really completely outgrown the schoolyard days.  So, if we like you, we are going to tease you.  I don’t say that to imply that we will make fun of your braces, or your glasses, or that funny blemish on your forehead.  If a guy likes you there will be some playful banter, inside jokes, pet names, and/or coy remarks that will indicate a heightened level of interest.

 And finally,

 wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…

 ASK HIM!!!

 (Oh!!! Snap!!!)

 Most guys aren’t complicated if we like you, we WILL let you know.

Remember:  We’re LDS! We’re single! And, we’re all in this together!